Memoirs of a 20-Something

Decisions of indecision

2007-05-05T10:27:00.000+01:00

We make them everyday. Some are made consciously and some are made sub-consciously. What a difference the two are. The moment we are consciously aware of a decision being made, all our neuroses, insecurities, hopes and fears rear their ugly heads in order to disrupt this, otherwise, basic and simple process.

I think the worst occasion for indecision is when you have already made a decision and that decision is then thrown into an arena of uncertainty. Boy does that really piss me right off!

So, how does one deal with the decisions of indecision?

The truth lies firmly in the reasons for your original decisions, as I found out recently.

For most decisions we make, we don’t have to think too hard. But there are some decisions that take thoughtful insight and educated judgment calls. Isn’t it ironic, that the harder you have to think about the decision the easier for that decision to become an indecision?

Take my decision to return to NZ. Now, I firmly believe in my decision and, having thought hard about my options, decided to commit to this plan. Within one evening, my decision was hanging by a knife edge. My plans lay almost in ruins. I had no idea what to do. Even after all the careful consideration I made to return to NZ it took one tiny thing to blow me off course. Now, I call it a “thing” because I don’t feel it necessary to air all my dirty laundry, only some of it :P So let’s just leave it at that.

Having spoken to S, I found out that actually I had let my emotions cloud my, otherwise, rational decision-making machine. What a crazy and unnecessary emotional rollercoaster. It’s only after speaking (or writing) the words do we find ourselves able to digest the situation rationally, freeing ourselves from the indigestion of indecision.

So what lessons were learnt?

If you make a decision that comes from deep within i.e. your convictions, you should stick with it. Always remember why you made that decision in the first place. This is not to say, however, that you shouldn’t be flexible when it comes to decision-making. But better to stick to your guns than to become “flaky”. If anything, to be “flaky” only highlights a lack of belief in oneself and an ease for coming undone.

We all have what it takes to do the things in life that we believe/know we want to do; we tend to look for our answer somewhere other than within ourselves. We often expect others to give us the answers. Trust in your own convictions and you will find that your instincts will guide you to the decision and avoid a perpetual battle with uncertainty and indecision.

Now, should I have the white or the red wine with my steak? Or should I have the chicken?

Just a quick thought on…

2007-05-02T16:38:00.000+01:00

Vibes. What is it about vibes that are so difficult to read?

If I ask a friend, she will tell me that the inability to read vibes is a male thing. I, of course, beg to differ. Having trained as an actor, I have learnt to read vibes, body language and tone of voice. So why is it, that still, I can’t seem to pick up simple vibes. I am, of course, referring to vibes that are supposedly directed at me from the opposite sex.

Now whilst I understand that most girls, if I dare to be so general, don’t always like the overly direct approach that most men tend to favour, why must some woman (and I have to be very careful here) be so coy? Is it a defensive mechanism? Or are women so smart that they enjoy seeing men stumble, ponder and confuse themselves over signals they are or think they are receiving?

Answers on a postcard to...

Ironies: Writers' Block

2007-04-25T20:34:00.000+01:00

The thing about a writers’ block is that all creative and imaginative thought is suppressed.

So why is it that I am able, here, to write about the pains and frustrations of not being able to continue work on a couple of scripts? I think it’s fairly safe to assume that life is a series of ironies rolling, one after another, to stifle, to frustrate, to anger and to enlighten us. Frankly, I’d prefer to live outside of this irony. I would rather my creativity flow like a seamless river of water unhindered by any shore, coastline or protruding rocks. Even my last attempt to be mildly poetic falls short of brilliance. In short, I should ride the wave and trust that when the next moment of inspiration hits me, I’ll be ready with pen and paper to hand.

Writing is reflective, I’ve decided, so therefore I shall keep my eyes and ears open to the plethora of neuroses, teenage angst current affairs and family disputes that I hear and read about and see flashing before my eyes everyday.

Another example of irony has just hit me. Though I’ve said what I have felt I need to vent about writers' block, I feel the urge to keep writing. Could this be a solution to writers’ block? The cure? The x-factor? Write a blog and then go back to the scripts? A psychological warm-up for the brains? Hmm, perhaps I can bottle this new founds remedy *maniacal laugh*

I have come full circle… “Last words… out.”

One down, one to go!

2006-03-22T07:55:00.000Z

Yet again, I can look at the date of my last post and realize that I have slacked off with this blog. It would be no surprise to me if my friends, always supportive of me, have given up bothering to check for updates!

So, what does the title of this blog refer to?

I have managed to hand over the lease of my place to a nice Australian couple. The other house-mates are happy as am I. So everybody being happy lets out a nice positive energy - so important when you officially pass the first day of Spring and it feels like the first day of Winter!

This weekend will be busy spent packing all my things, doing an in-door car boot sale with my mother and advertising my car! All so simple!

Currently at work, so I should probably maximize my time this morning before my meeting this morning... Oh, the joys of work!

Have a good day! (To any poor buggers who stumble across this! Haha!)

Arsenal, New Zealand and Home Comforts

2006-03-12T09:53:00.000Z

Once again, I have been very lazy when it comes to updating my blog. I think I can safely say that I know of at least 3 or 4 people who read this, so no doubt it is worth keeping on top of it. This will certainly be useful to friends and family when I am on the other side of the world... At least, that is the intention!

My week has been filled with a lot of interesting developments; some of which I will divulge to you all now:

On Wednesday 8th March, Arsenal did what critics had been saying was beyond impossible. It was foolhardy to even contemplate Arsenal triumphing over Real Madrid... Well, they beat Real 1-0 on their home ground, El Santiago Bernebau, and then kept them to a draw back at Highbury. How such a game could end up goaless is beyond me. It was a superb end to end game with some silky skills and passes that would make even Brazilians envious! For the best part of 70 minutes, Arsenal dominated so majestically, you completely forgot the poor Away form in the Premiership. Or indeed the fact that Arsenal's away form in the league had become nothing short of embarrassing - Especially for a team who only two seasons ago completed a record 49 game unbeaten run... A feat which still stands up today. Not even the might of Chelsea's multi-million pound players have been able to eclipse Arsenal's record. And now, three games stand between Arsenal and the Champions League Final... Next up, Juventus and the return of our talismanic former captain who, on my part, will be greeted back at Highbury with genuine joy and respect, no matter what the outcome.

And so onto my preparations for New Zealand. I have decided to leave England a lot early then I had previously planned. The date is still unconfirmed but I do intend to go at the end of April/beginning of May. Well, today I shall be entertaining people coming around to view the house I am living in. I have tirelessly cleaned my room, in order that the people will be tempted to acquire these spacious living quarters off of me. Once this has been done, only the sale of my car will stand between me and New Zealand. I feel, almost, that my situation has become, in many ways, like that of Arsenal and the Champions League. My room is my quarter final, my car is my semi final and my "side-trip" to Malaysia is my final. And of course, NZ being the prize! Do I feel the same pressure as the Arsenal players? Clearly not! :-)

Trying to keep my writing from becoming too erratic, I'd like to tell you about some of the decisions that I had not previously thought of having to make. My mother's boy friend, S, asked me last night if I intended taking any of my MANY dvds. It suddenly occurred to me... Will I take anything from home that will bring me comfort on my journey? And what will I choose to take on my "journey of epic proportions"? In short, I haven't the faintest idea what I will take. I will ask K what she thinks when I see her later. She will have some ideas. Though I can safely say that a picture of my darling mother will go with me without any doubts!

I'm off to clean the room, welcome people into the house and watch, what should hopefully be, a thrilling Premiership encounter against Liverpool - who sadly lost their defence of the European Cup to Benfica in the week (and I do say that genuinely with respect for a great team!)

Brightest Blessings to you all.

And the Academy Award goes to...

2006-03-07T06:25:00.000Z

The 2006 Oscars took place on Sunday March 5th. Here is a list of some of the main Awards that were dished out. For a full list of winners, visit the official Oscars site. (www.oscars.com)

Best Film:
Crash

Best Actor:
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Capote

Best Actress:
Reese Witherspoon - Walk The Line

Best Supporting Actor:
George Clooney - Syriana

Best Supporting Actress:
Rachel Weisz - The Constant Gardener

Best Director:
Ang Lee - Brokeback Mountain

And no suprises, Munich didnt win anything! I often wonder whether Spielberg is often nominated out of professional courtesy rather than whether the film he has directed is any good.

It was nice to see the guys from Weta Digital winning an Oscar for their work on King Kong. (Maybe next time Peter!)

Have a good day!

Attack of the Killer Spider!

2006-02-26T09:52:00.000Z

I thought it necessary to report to you a frightening encounter I just had with a Killer Spider!!!

Actually, I exaggerate... It was the size of a 10pence piece (5cents equivalent), including its legs!

Those of you that know me well will know I have a particular distaste for spiders. Though recently, I have tried to embrace spiders in as positive manner as possible, being that my beliefs lie with Gaia (Mother Earth) and respecting all living creatures (not as fluffly a philosophy as it might sound!).

As I went to the shower, not but 20 minutes ago, I was faced with this little ball of black with little legs curled up into its body. Clearly the gushing of the shower awoke this foul beast from its slumber. It could smell my fear. As slowly and as quietly as I could, I started to back away from this spawn of Evil. The beast uncurled its legs and slowly moved its body so that it now faced me head-on. There was nowhere for me to run to. The beast started to lower itself down the glass door of the shower cubicle. I was frozen in fear. It had me in its sights. Ready to pounce. Ready to... Kill! And then, just as I was about to scream my inevitable and child-like cry for my mum (no longer actually living with my mother would have made this cry pretty futile!), the spider got itself caught up in its own web! MWAHAHAHAHA! I triumphed over the beast! My David beat the fell beast's Goliath... I was the Ruler of my Kingdom once more!

I know... That was an overly dramatic recount of events in the shower! Apart from the fact I spent the next 10minutes in the shower (whilst washing, obviously!) looking around the bathroom making sure there were none of his friends creeping up on me, waiting to have a pop! Some ruler I'd make! Haha!

And the moral of the story is... Humans are bigger, so squash the buggers! (only joking!)

Glory Arsenal

2006-02-23T08:33:00.000Z

It has been a considerable while since my last post.

Having been pretty inactive over the half-term I have decided to try and be as pro-active as possible... As if that will happen!

So, Tuesday night brought on what could have been a disastrous evening. Arsenal versus Real Madrid in the first knock-out stage of the European Cup.

Arsenal, with a lackluster league form and having already suffered to two domestic cup exits hardly looked like the power-house they were last season, or indeed the season before that. Real Madrid, with a dominating league form, hot on the heels of their La Liga rivals Barcelona, were obvious favorites. The Galacticos with their Zidane, Ronaldo, Carlos et al, were surely favorites to bury Arsenal... Alas, the story's outcome was not so!

Arsenal with a defiant and determined attack, maintained constant vigilance over the 90mins, paid of in the 46th minute with a superbly taken goal by Arsenal captain and living legend, Thierry Henry.

Could this be the jump-start Arsenal have so desperately needed? With Van Persie, Cole, Bergkamp and Campbell amongst those to return to full fitness for the second leg... Time will tell...

And at last we come to the end of the week!

2006-02-11T01:21:00.001Z

With my plans firmly set in place, I can now relax. Or so it would seem.

Recently I have been doing a spot of teaching - a far cry from working on film sets or treading the boards! Now is the winter of our... No, that's not right. Now it is Half Term. That celestial week-long escape from the throngs of whining children with their "street" lingo, bad dress sense, poor personal hygiene and their childish giggling - I remember now why I left teaching in the first place!

Whilst many teachers will be either spending time with their families and friends or going on short half-term breaks, I have decided to return to another former place of employment, to help out a good friend, during this rather busy period... The London Dungeon awaits!

Aren't I lucky?!

We are GO for launch!

2006-02-09T00:55:00.000Z

So, it had seemed that my plans had been confirmed. Having spoken to the charming K at STA Travel, my ticket was being finalised with, what seemed like, a little reward attached to it!

When confirming my purchase today, with the final payment, I was to discover that Malaysian Airlines, for reasons unknown to me, had included a FREE "side-trip". "What is a "side-trip"?" I hear you ask... (well, at least that's what I was wondering!)

Basically... Malaysian Airlines was offering a FREE domestic return to anywhere within Malaysia! Now, who am I to turn down an offer like that? So, my supposed long-haul flight has now been spread out, somewhat. (Thank the Lord!)

The plan...

24th July
Leave from Heathrow (London) to Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia)

25th July
Arrive in KL... Spend a couple of days sight-seeing.

27th July
Catch a midday flight to Singapore (courtesy of Malaysian Airlines, thank you!)

30th July
With shopping bags at bursting point, fly back to KL to catch my connection to NZ.

31st July
Arrive in Auckland, NZ (finally!)

So, all in all, a nice little suprise start to my "adventure of epic proportions!"

So, my friend S was right when she said to me that in my last post I sounded more jubilant than sad at the prospect of leaving... Well currently, I'm ECSTATIC!

The Deed is Done...

2006-02-07T00:13:00.000Z

I never, in a million years, thought that I would try, once again, to make my way over to New Zealand. But I have done it!

With a ticket in my hand I can only wonder what my friends and family are going to say. I'll be happy with... "You're mad!" :-)

So, it has come to pass, that this young Englishman will embark on a journey of epic proportions (Sounds like Tolkein - how apt, being that I am going to "Middle-Earth"). The thought of leaving my dear mother behind and all my friends will, no doubt, burn a hole deep in my heart. But, this journey must be made... I certainly intend to go "there"... And hopefully not "back again".

So, when does my journey start? Monday 24th July 2006... It'll certainly be a novelty writing this blog from the otherside of the world. The adventures to be encountered certainly wet the appetite of any adventurous soul.

Without becoming too philosophical, I do find myself imagining being in NZ, amongst my new surroundings. Wondering whether it will be everything I had hoped it would be. To look down upon a valley from the highest mountain range on the South Island. To find myself out of my "comfort zone" but in a truly beautiful place. Where one can truly escape the hustle and bustle of a city in exchange for rolling hills and a landscape unimaginable, even in dreams!

So, now comes the time when I must relish the challenges that lie ahead... And the challenge of tying up loose ends here in London... A mighty task, not for the faint-hearted!

And the nominations are...

2006-02-01T06:05:00.000Z

It's that time of year where the red carpet is rolled out again... the nominations are in and I have to be honest, there aren't many big suprises. Perhaps, maybe, that a certain large ape didn't make the two major categories comes as a slight suprise given the director's past exploits.

So here are the nominations in the four main categories (for a full list go to www.oscars.com)

Actor in a Leading Role
Philip Seymour Hoffman - CAPOTE
Terrence Howard - HUSTLE & FLOW
Heath Ledger - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Joaquin Phoenix - WALK THE LINE
David Strathairn - GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK

Actress in a Leading Role
Judi Dench - MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS
Felicity Huffman - TRANSAMERICA
Keira Knightley - PRIDE & PREJUDICE
Charlize Theron - NORTH COUNTRY
Reese Witherspoon - WALK THE LINE

Directing
Ang Lee - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Bennett Miller - CAPOTE
Paul Haggis - CRASH
George Clooney - GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.
Steven Spielberg - MUNICH

Best Picture
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
CAPOTE
CRASH
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.
MUNICH

And would you believe it, but the only category I said I would vote for Munich in (Best Actor - Eric Bana) does not even include the lead actor in the nominations list!

That is all for this morning. Be sure to put Sunday March 5th, 2006 in your diaries, as this will be Oscar night! I would imagine the Red Carpet will be televised around midnight in the UK with the ceremony kicking off at around 1am.

Munich - The Verdict

2006-01-30T23:47:00.000Z

It is time for me to impart on to you (you, the surfer(s) - if any!) my opinion on Steven Spielberg's take on the massacre of the Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympics, 1972.

WARNING: PLOT SPOILERS!

Firstly, the film itself is "inspired" by the events of 1972. Secondly, the film is actually based on a book called "Venegance", whose author's name escapes my mind.

The film starts off as you would expect it, with the Munich Olympics and the events that unfold. As such the audience are immediately clued in to what the film is about.... duh! Storytelling of this nature often makes me wonder whether the big cheeses of Hollywood film-making actually give their audiences any kind of credit for intelligence... then again, Hollywood is in America! (Only joking!)

So the big word of the film is "revenge"... apparently two wrongs make it all alright! Now, that isnt me criticising the Israelis or indeed condoning the actions of Black September (Palestinian terrorist organisation behind the events). Whether the actions taken by Golda Meir, Israel's first and only (to this date) female prime minister, were justified or not is not what I am writing in this post.

As far as the film went, my attention was kept throughout. From the planning of each assassination to the execution of it. Spielberg does well to keep the audience involved and to share the intensity of the unfolding events, alongside the characters on screen. That was, until the last ten minutes, probably not helped by the fact that the screen suddenly switched off, the house lights turned up and we (the cinema patrons) were left wondering why indeed we did think it justified to spend £8 on a cinematic experience. The endless paranoias of the main character, thinking he was still at risk after seeing 4 out of 6 of his team assassinated by the KGB, left me rearranging myself in my seat one too many times. In short, the film's ending was like a firework that doesnt give you it's final bang... a rather timid ending amongst all the action and it, the ending, really does drag.

Is is worth seeing? Yes... Is it worth £8? Yes... Is it Spielberg's best? Not by a long way

Whether or not this film is gifted nominations from The Academy remains to be seen. Personally, I wouldnt vote for it in any category other than Best Actor for Eric Bana.

The Result? 6 out of 10

If you want to watch a film that'll entertain but not leave any residue on your mind the next morning, then this is one for you.

Is Anybody Out There?

2006-01-30T18:37:00.000Z

There is that age-old question again... But seriously though, in this world of high-speed communication, do people really take any notice of what someone else has put on the internet, unless it in some way benefits that person?

I certainly did wonder when I paid for my own professional website to be designed. So, isn't it interesting that I should be here writing a "blog" purely for the need to express myself? (And of course, highlight my appalling spelling to the world!) Well, it is in fact down to a work colleague who has his own blog. So, if you feel this blog is rubbish you can blame him in some way!

So, at this point, I think it might be wise to end this first post. Especially as I have lots of work to do and I'm off to see Munich in a little while. Will let you (whoever stumbles onto this blog) know how the film is.

Ta Ta