Saturday, May 05, 2007

Decisions of indecision

We make them everyday. Some are made consciously and some are made sub-consciously. What a difference the two are. The moment we are consciously aware of a decision being made, all our neuroses, insecurities, hopes and fears rear their ugly heads in order to disrupt this, otherwise, basic and simple process.

I think the worst occasion for indecision is when you have already made a decision and that decision is then thrown into an arena of uncertainty. Boy does that really piss me right off!

So, how does one deal with the decisions of indecision?

The truth lies firmly in the reasons for your original decisions, as I found out recently.

For most decisions we make, we don’t have to think too hard. But there are some decisions that take thoughtful insight and educated judgment calls. Isn’t it ironic, that the harder you have to think about the decision the easier for that decision to become an indecision?

Take my decision to return to NZ. Now, I firmly believe in my decision and, having thought hard about my options, decided to commit to this plan. Within one evening, my decision was hanging by a knife edge. My plans lay almost in ruins. I had no idea what to do. Even after all the careful consideration I made to return to NZ it took one tiny thing to blow me off course. Now, I call it a “thing” because I don’t feel it necessary to air all my dirty laundry, only some of it :P So let’s just leave it at that.

Having spoken to S, I found out that actually I had let my emotions cloud my, otherwise, rational decision-making machine. What a crazy and unnecessary emotional rollercoaster. It’s only after speaking (or writing) the words do we find ourselves able to digest the situation rationally, freeing ourselves from the indigestion of indecision.

So what lessons were learnt?

If you make a decision that comes from deep within i.e. your convictions, you should stick with it. Always remember why you made that decision in the first place. This is not to say, however, that you shouldn’t be flexible when it comes to decision-making. But better to stick to your guns than to become “flaky”. If anything, to be “flaky” only highlights a lack of belief in oneself and an ease for coming undone.

We all have what it takes to do the things in life that we believe/know we want to do; we tend to look for our answer somewhere other than within ourselves. We often expect others to give us the answers. Trust in your own convictions and you will find that your instincts will guide you to the decision and avoid a perpetual battle with uncertainty and indecision.

Now, should I have the white or the red wine with my steak? Or should I have the chicken?

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Just a quick thought on…

Vibes. What is it about vibes that are so difficult to read?

If I ask a friend, she will tell me that the inability to read vibes is a male thing. I, of course, beg to differ. Having trained as an actor, I have learnt to read vibes, body language and tone of voice. So why is it, that still, I can’t seem to pick up simple vibes. I am, of course, referring to vibes that are supposedly directed at me from the opposite sex.

Now whilst I understand that most girls, if I dare to be so general, don’t always like the overly direct approach that most men tend to favour, why must some woman (and I have to be very careful here) be so coy? Is it a defensive mechanism? Or are women so smart that they enjoy seeing men stumble, ponder and confuse themselves over signals they are or think they are receiving?

Answers on a postcard to...

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Ironies: Writers' Block

The thing about a writers’ block is that all creative and imaginative thought is suppressed.

So why is it that I am able, here, to write about the pains and frustrations of not being able to continue work on a couple of scripts? I think it’s fairly safe to assume that life is a series of ironies rolling, one after another, to stifle, to frustrate, to anger and to enlighten us. Frankly, I’d prefer to live outside of this irony. I would rather my creativity flow like a seamless river of water unhindered by any shore, coastline or protruding rocks. Even my last attempt to be mildly poetic falls short of brilliance. In short, I should ride the wave and trust that when the next moment of inspiration hits me, I’ll be ready with pen and paper to hand.

Writing is reflective, I’ve decided, so therefore I shall keep my eyes and ears open to the plethora of neuroses, teenage angst current affairs and family disputes that I hear and read about and see flashing before my eyes everyday.

Another example of irony has just hit me. Though I’ve said what I have felt I need to vent about writers' block, I feel the urge to keep writing. Could this be a solution to writers’ block? The cure? The x-factor? Write a blog and then go back to the scripts? A psychological warm-up for the brains? Hmm, perhaps I can bottle this new founds remedy *maniacal laugh*

I have come full circle… “Last words… out.”

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

One down, one to go!

Yet again, I can look at the date of my last post and realize that I have slacked off with this blog. It would be no surprise to me if my friends, always supportive of me, have given up bothering to check for updates!

So, what does the title of this blog refer to?

I have managed to hand over the lease of my place to a nice Australian couple. The other house-mates are happy as am I. So everybody being happy lets out a nice positive energy - so important when you officially pass the first day of Spring and it feels like the first day of Winter!

This weekend will be busy spent packing all my things, doing an in-door car boot sale with my mother and advertising my car! All so simple!

Currently at work, so I should probably maximize my time this morning before my meeting this morning... Oh, the joys of work!

Have a good day! (To any poor buggers who stumble across this! Haha!)

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Arsenal, New Zealand and Home Comforts

Once again, I have been very lazy when it comes to updating my blog. I think I can safely say that I know of at least 3 or 4 people who read this, so no doubt it is worth keeping on top of it. This will certainly be useful to friends and family when I am on the other side of the world... At least, that is the intention!

My week has been filled with a lot of interesting developments; some of which I will divulge to you all now:

On Wednesday 8th March, Arsenal did what critics had been saying was beyond impossible. It was foolhardy to even contemplate Arsenal triumphing over Real Madrid... Well, they beat Real 1-0 on their home ground, El Santiago Bernebau, and then kept them to a draw back at Highbury. How such a game could end up goaless is beyond me. It was a superb end to end game with some silky skills and passes that would make even Brazilians envious! For the best part of 70 minutes, Arsenal dominated so majestically, you completely forgot the poor Away form in the Premiership. Or indeed the fact that Arsenal's away form in the league had become nothing short of embarrassing - Especially for a team who only two seasons ago completed a record 49 game unbeaten run... A feat which still stands up today. Not even the might of Chelsea's multi-million pound players have been able to eclipse Arsenal's record. And now, three games stand between Arsenal and the Champions League Final... Next up, Juventus and the return of our talismanic former captain who, on my part, will be greeted back at Highbury with genuine joy and respect, no matter what the outcome.

And so onto my preparations for New Zealand. I have decided to leave England a lot early then I had previously planned. The date is still unconfirmed but I do intend to go at the end of April/beginning of May. Well, today I shall be entertaining people coming around to view the house I am living in. I have tirelessly cleaned my room, in order that the people will be tempted to acquire these spacious living quarters off of me. Once this has been done, only the sale of my car will stand between me and New Zealand. I feel, almost, that my situation has become, in many ways, like that of Arsenal and the Champions League. My room is my quarter final, my car is my semi final and my "side-trip" to Malaysia is my final. And of course, NZ being the prize! Do I feel the same pressure as the Arsenal players? Clearly not! :-)

Trying to keep my writing from becoming too erratic, I'd like to tell you about some of the decisions that I had not previously thought of having to make. My mother's boy friend, S, asked me last night if I intended taking any of my MANY dvds. It suddenly occurred to me... Will I take anything from home that will bring me comfort on my journey? And what will I choose to take on my "journey of epic proportions"? In short, I haven't the faintest idea what I will take. I will ask K what she thinks when I see her later. She will have some ideas. Though I can safely say that a picture of my darling mother will go with me without any doubts!

I'm off to clean the room, welcome people into the house and watch, what should hopefully be, a thrilling Premiership encounter against Liverpool - who sadly lost their defence of the European Cup to Benfica in the week (and I do say that genuinely with respect for a great team!)

Brightest Blessings to you all.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

And the Academy Award goes to...

The 2006 Oscars took place on Sunday March 5th. Here is a list of some of the main Awards that were dished out. For a full list of winners, visit the official Oscars site. (

Best Film:

Best Actor:
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Capote

Best Actress:
Reese Witherspoon - Walk The Line

Best Supporting Actor:
George Clooney - Syriana

Best Supporting Actress:
Rachel Weisz - The Constant Gardener

Best Director:
Ang Lee - Brokeback Mountain

And no suprises, Munich didnt win anything! I often wonder whether Spielberg is often nominated out of professional courtesy rather than whether the film he has directed is any good.

It was nice to see the guys from Weta Digital winning an Oscar for their work on King Kong. (Maybe next time Peter!)

Have a good day!

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Attack of the Killer Spider!

I thought it necessary to report to you a frightening encounter I just had with a Killer Spider!!!

Actually, I exaggerate... It was the size of a 10pence piece (5cents equivalent), including its legs!

Those of you that know me well will know I have a particular distaste for spiders. Though recently, I have tried to embrace spiders in as positive manner as possible, being that my beliefs lie with Gaia (Mother Earth) and respecting all living creatures (not as fluffly a philosophy as it might sound!).

As I went to the shower, not but 20 minutes ago, I was faced with this little ball of black with little legs curled up into its body. Clearly the gushing of the shower awoke this foul beast from its slumber. It could smell my fear. As slowly and as quietly as I could, I started to back away from this spawn of Evil. The beast uncurled its legs and slowly moved its body so that it now faced me head-on. There was nowhere for me to run to. The beast started to lower itself down the glass door of the shower cubicle. I was frozen in fear. It had me in its sights. Ready to pounce. Ready to... Kill! And then, just as I was about to scream my inevitable and child-like cry for my mum (no longer actually living with my mother would have made this cry pretty futile!), the spider got itself caught up in its own web! MWAHAHAHAHA! I triumphed over the beast! My David beat the fell beast's Goliath... I was the Ruler of my Kingdom once more!

I know... That was an overly dramatic recount of events in the shower! Apart from the fact I spent the next 10minutes in the shower (whilst washing, obviously!) looking around the bathroom making sure there were none of his friends creeping up on me, waiting to have a pop! Some ruler I'd make! Haha!

And the moral of the story is... Humans are bigger, so squash the buggers! (only joking!)